Breaking The Social Norms

In most of American or actually probably most of the world we are all told how easy it is to get pregnant. We are shown these videos in middle school and high school health education classes that tell us if we have sex one time that we will be having a baby 9 months later. While that can be true and don’t get me wrong it is a great scare tactic to prevent teen pregnancy, it isn’t always that easy.

When I was a kid I had always had this perfect picture painted in my head. I would get married when I was 20, have some kids by the time I was 22, my husband would head off to work while I stayed home being a housewife and raising babies. I mean isn’t that how everyone’s life is?

NEWS FLASH! That is not how life happens!

In American, especially small towns in Eastern Kentucky like I am from, we are given this idea of that is how life is supposed to work. We will get married to our high school sweetheart, have a baby exactly when we want one on the first try and everything else is a fairytale. This social norm from the 70s, 80s, 90s and probably even before that has really made it hard on the emotional state of women who haven’t accomplished these things at exactly the right time. This right here is why we need to break to social norm on these things. I could go off on a soap box about people getting married straight out of highschool to the person they thought was the love of their life but I will just leave it alone for now. That is a topic for another post. Lets just focus on the pregnancy part for now.

When did this all start?

Back in the beginning and I mean the very beginning. I’m talking Genesis in the bible. That is where it all started.

Genesis 1:28 And God bleesed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply and replenish the earth.

We have been told since literally the beginning of time that we are supposed to multiply and have all kinds of babies. Back in bible days the had 9, 10, 11 kids! The more the better in that time. During the times of the bible having children was thought of as to be a blessing from God (which it is) but being barren was thought to be caused by sin or disbelief or even a curse. How awful would it have been at that time to think that God isn’t giving you the biggest blessing because of something you did or how embarrassing do you think it was for these women during that time to be barren and have everyone thinking they had comminted some type of horrible sin? I just can’t even imagine. They didn’t have any doctor’s to tell them why they were barren, they didn’t have social media to share their experience about not be able to concieve. They had nothing!!

But oh wait! They did have something! They had God! and guess what we do too!

Out of all of the barren women in the bible the story of Sarah is my favorite! I plan on writing a whole blog about Sarah so look for that at a later date. Anyways… the reason I wanted to mention this story in this post is because of a certain thing Sarah did. Sarah was so desparate for a baby but not a baby for herself but to bare a son for Abraham. I’m sure she wanted to do that so badly not for him because that was part of the social norm. If she bare him no son then he would lose so many things. He would have no one to pass his name to, he would have no one to leave his inheritance to, etc. So what did Sarah do? She pretty much told her handmaid Hagar to go shack up with her husband, Abraham and have his baby so he could leave a legacy. I mean can you imagine telling someone else to go have a baby with your husband?! What Sarah did just blows my mind. She wanted so bad for her husband to have a son to carry on the family name that she let another woman have her husband! This just shows that the want to fit into the social norm can really hurt you emotionally. Even over 2000 years ago women were still trying to follow the social norm by having a child for their husband no matter what the cost was. Sarah tried to take actions into her own hands instead of waiting to see what God had in store for her.( Trust me trying to do it on your own and going around God’s will=bad idea).

We need to do better!

It is 2025 and even though we have come a long way from the time of Sarah we still have these social norms we need to break. We need to break the norm of people pushing for people to have kids as soon as they get back from their honeymoon. We need to break the norm of people thinking that you will get pregnant the very first time you try. We need to break the norm on what age you need to have children by and how you need to have more than one kid. All of this craziness needs to stop! These norms can be crushing for someone who is struggling with infertility and until you have experienced it yourslef you don’t even realize how hurtful you are being when you expect people to follow these social norms or question them about them.

Let’s do better!

We have got to start doing better for the sake of our friends, kids, grandkids and just people in general. Here are some things we can do to start changing the social norm.

1. Quit pressuring people: It is absoluetly no ones business but a husband and wife when they decide they are going to try and conceive. That’s right I said it! NO ONE! Not your mother, father, grandparents, inlaws, aunts, cousins, NO ONE! It is completely up to you and your husband.
2. Education: We need to start educating people about infertility, Yes we still need to show those videos in health class to scare the teenagers but more information needs to be put out for women in their early 20s on fertility. There were things I didn’t know about until I started trying to conceive and couldn’t.
3. Support: We need to show support for women who cannot get pregnant or women who choose not to have children. Let them know its ok if they don’t have a child yet or if they decide they don’t want kids. It will be OK!
4. Prayer: The most important one of all. We need to pray for the women in our life. The women who have just got married and will soon be starting a family. We need to pray that God grants them them desire of their hearts but if he doesn’t at hat time we need to pray for them, pray with them, let them know that God is on their side.

I hope this blog post has encouraged and enlightened. If you ever need someone to talk to please reach out but also remember you can always talk to God at anytime.

Proverbs 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.